camp

a blazing fire
52 voices singing as one
a moment they'll never forget

morning

the cool air hits my bare arms
like a slap.
and i awaken
just like that

awareness

i am very aware
of a feeling in my chest.
not sadness,
not madness,
not anger,
nor despair.
confusion - i think - has come to visit.
to take a rest.
to stay awhile and knock me off my pedestal of knowing what to do and where to go from here.
i visit with him a bit,

commune, take tea.
and rested, he moves along.

breath

stepping out of the car at "the river," i breathe air that is fuller, denser, wetter, airier, than city air
it fills me all the way up

free

too much to do, too much to do, too much to do....
anger slips in, undetected
then unleashes his venom when the smallest thing goes wrong
i want to lash out
instead i hide out
feeling
feeling
feeling
ah...he is spent
and i am free

dolphin

swimming, i am all business
pull, kick, turn, breathe.
pull, kick, turn, breathe. 
after awhile i start to watch the others
underwater.
it's not the usual crowd of would-be lochtes today.
on either side of me they are bobbing, paddling, floating, luxuriating.
enjoying.
i try to bring some of this energy into my own workout at each turn.
turn, twist, push, glide. 
turn, twist, push, glide.
it works.
i am a beautiful dolphin,
playing.
in my element.

lice

again. again. again. again.
the word haunts me; reverberating in my mind.
why? lice? again?
i breathe and remember...
there is no why.
there is only how. 

fear

 after a night of fear i try to understand what we are really afraid of. 
my guides speak to me loud and clear: all fear is fear of death.
conquer that and you will be free.

laugh

"iced breve caramel" latte is what the homeless woman orders when i ask if i can bring her anything
i laugh
only in seattle!

disappointment

disappointment.
betrayal.
alienation.
little by little i let them in and find this helps,
a little

exhaustion

like a car revved too high i feel myself starting to burn out
chest tight
breath shallow
i need to stop
i need to rest
nothing will get done today

swimming

swimming I AM body and soul....

sixteen

dance party in my car - "...at a pay phone trying to phone home...." - i'm sixteen again!

unraveling

letting go of "what i planned to do" in favor of "what is called for," i feel my ego unravel a stitch or two

eavesdropping

listening to my boys talking and laughing in the other room, my heart swells

cheeseburgers

after swimming 40 laps
hunger overwhelms me
visions of cheeseburgers
dance in my head

cold

sniffling, snuffling, wheezing, with every breath
i fully appreciate being able to BREATHE

reading to my children

my voice catches and tears escape
"mom stop!" they plead
and i remember
the terror of my mother's tears

in salabhasana (locust pose)

we kiss our mats
and i feel at one
with the earth

bracing is the wind

as i step out of the warm pool
into a cold, cold breeze